Why I came out

Why did I come out?

Well to put simply, I was at a crossroads in my life and I had to make a decision.

It was 2014, and I was living with two teenage girls. They were like daughters to me. I loved them very much. We had a running joke about me being a princess, and they were always buying me princess stuff like cups and mugs. I played it off as I didn't care to much for it, but inside the girl was screaming for me to embrace my inner princess.


I worked as a carpenter at the time. And my unhappiness was building greatly inside of me. One day while on my way to work I felt like I could not breathe. It seemed so hard to take a breathe. At the time, I did not know what was happening, but now I know it was my first panic attack. When I got to work, I had a cigarette as I always did. Upon returning to work, I passed out. Then I was rushed to the hospital. They claimed it was dehydration.

That very first panic attack spiraled out of control, and became a regular thing. I was diagnosed with clinic depression and panic attack disorder. My life changed and has never been the same since.

One night, while laying in bed, I started thinking about me life and how much I hated me. I came to the crossroads. On one hand, I could stay a guy and live the rest of my life miserably. I did it for thirty years. On the other hand, I could come out with it and be the girl I always felt I was.

I knew the route of pretending to be a guy. I new the misery and the longing. And truth be told, if I would have stayed a guy, I probably would have killed myself by now.

Being a woman would not be easy either. I could lose my job, my friends, my family, and most important at the time was my two girls. The future was scary with all of the unknowns.

The following day, I woke up and was getting ready for work. The girls had gone out the night before. On the counter was a new Disney princess glass that they must have bought me that night. It had a little note of them joking about me being a princess. I snapped. I could not take this secret anymore. I wrote them a note back before going to work. In it, I admitted that I always felt like a girl and that I wanted to be a girl.

I was scared that night coming home. But, long story short. They embraced me in my girlhood. They forced me to chance going out as a girl and helped me with coming out to everyone else. For that, I owe them dearly and will always be there for them no matter what.

I didn't lose my job, but I quit to go work as a graphic designer. I did not lose my family. I was embraced for the most part. And my friends before are still my friends. For me, it all worked out for the best.

Life is not perfect and being a woman is hard at times. And I still deal with my depression and anxiety. Plus thing with my parents are not always the greatest. But I took that chance and am glad I did.